baby it’s cold outside ♥
It has been a while friends (: But my head’s heavy with thoughts and I need to clear them.
TWO WORDS: emotionally volatile ~
Extremely, annoyed at self for not being able to juggle just mere two commitments, mere minimum requirements, well enough. I’m struggling so much, not because it’s demanding to the extent of pushing me beyond my limits. It’s just that my head gets in the way. I think too much, and I don’t know how to stop myself.
Studying wise, term 2 so far has most definitely been better than term 1. Been sort of keeping up with work, staying ahead sometimes if I’m able to. Although I really need to find permanent study buddies, studying alone is depressing and demoralising.
Netball is stressing the shit out of me though. I feel as though I’m constantly underperforming ): Expectations are relative and subjective and I set very high standards for myself for netball because it’s actually something I truly believe I can be good at. I’ve been at it for about 7 years and loving it even more each day. The anticipation, of waiting for season to start is killing me. I just want to get out there and … play. Being on court is a phenomenal feeling(: But then again, the earlier it starts, the earlier it ends, the faster my heart breaks. It’s like the on the day of our last match I will probably feel a sort of emptiness and immense heartbreak. It’ll feel like a part of me has become undefined. Well, we’ll see how that goes eh.
This year has been good to us all(; With kwunnie winning indiv silver for gymnastics trampoline, and the modern dancers and tarianers getting gold with honours and gold respectively. Not forgetting my most awesome friend (hahahahahahahah) yonghan who outdid himself by getting the bronze medal despite not training for 1.5 years for fencing. The pressure’s piling up I don’t know how much weight I can continue carrying around on my shoulders. I’ve never won a gold medal in my life, maybe it’s high time [:
Very thankful for SnD still, which remains as a constant support system and pillar of strength for me whenever I need somebody to hold me up. You guys are always there and it’s easy to find someone since there’re 17 of you (: I wished we still had SnD days when we will PAMPAMPAM for a few hours and then order sarpinos to end the day haha. Need to revive mugger madness with SnD I’m starting to be unproductive.com hahah. I miss you guys I wanna hug all you like NAOWWW.
Really thankful for my teammates too. Raffles Netball you guys are the most self-motivated, hardworking bunch of people I’ve worked with. You guys make being captain easy (:
In the meantime, stay strong ♥
xoxo
